After the bell on Friday, the Chicago Mercantile Exchange issued an announcement about margin requirements. It was pretty vague. Nobody could decipher it. And then a great man came forward. Wielding space-alien-like intellectual powers, he read the announcement and issued a proclamation.
That man was “Tyler Durden” of Zero Edge.
What did he proclaim? That the mysterious message from the CME was a dramatic margin call on all futures contracts: stock futures, bond futures, currency futures, gold futures, pork bellies, number six heating oil, Bulgarian goat cheese, you name it.
In all, a $100 trillion global market meltdown would commence when the CME opened for business Sunday night.
As you can imagine, the Great Man’s people were baffled and confused. But “Durden” strode among them, reassuring one and all, that yes, the end was indeed near. No plaintive cry in the comments section was too insignificant for the great leader’s magnanimous attention.
And then the CME clarified the announcement. Turns out, it was no big deal. The futures opened on Sunday night flat as pancake.
“Tyler Durden” acts like he is privy to esoteric financial knowledge beyond the reach of mortal men. But this episode shows that he is just a loud-mouth knucklehead writing a glorified tabloid. And his readers are even dumber. Just about all of the idiots commenting on that post believed it! They believed that the CME had pulled the pin of a nuclear hand-grenade and then swallowed it!
What a spectacle of stupidity! Keep them coming “Durden”!
P.S. If the world does end today, it will only be a coincidence, and “Tyler Durden” will deserve no credit. When he was born, the doctor slapped his ass, and baby “Durden” shrieked “Armageddon!!!” And he’s been at it every since. Sort of a nuclear-powered “boy who cried wolf”.