I Know Something About Coughing

If I were an actor, and I had to play a part that required a chronic coughing fit, I could induce a Hillary-Clinton grade cough in myself at will. And I’m perfectly healthy. Some actors can cry on command; I can cough on command, albeit a few minutes after exposing myself to a certain thing.

I’ll never forget the day I made this discovery. I was exposed to the thing in the evening, and was up all night coughing. Non-stop; for hours. I thought that I was going to die. The cough was very similar to Clinton’s cough: dry and relentless. Next morning, I went on the Internet and started researching, and found the answer.

It might be useful for Clinton to know what this thing is. Unfortunately, I am not a fan. However, I’ve seen her hobnobbing with lots of rich people lately, raking in huge donations. So, perhaps the campaign would like to make a donation instead? Please direct your attention to the “Donate” button at the bottom of the sidebar on the right side of the screen. And it will need to be large – George Soros style (no rubber checks please). Ask yourself: how important will the ability-to-speak be during the debates with Trump? Kind of important, no?

For years, Howard Stern has been complaining about a stiff neck. If you know him, please direct him to my Miracle Stiff Neck Cure. It works – fast – and costs only pennies, which is why it will never be promoted by Big Pharma, which makes way more money by giving Stern muscle-relaxer injections. After the election, I will write a similar page about coughing.

Note: I grew up a few miles away from where Clinton had her coughing attack, and have breathed in plenty of Cleveland pollen. You might be surprised to learn that Cleveland has an enormous amount of greenery. When you fly in during the summer, it looks like you are landing in a forest. Hence, its nickname: The Forest City.